barbara walters just said penis...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
