i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
