There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
organizing the empties. That sober.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
