4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
