it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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