How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
