i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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