Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
