too bad you live with your parents still
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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