I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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