So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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