your room smells of hookers.
And success
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
