somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
