The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
