Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
