what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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