we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
