Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
