just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
