So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
