can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
