happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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