im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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