I think my vagina is haunted
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
