Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
