he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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