She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
