so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
