there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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