i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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