Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
