How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The adults are the big ones right?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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