So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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