Sponge bath it is.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
