FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
