But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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