He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
