would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
