Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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