I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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