Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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