Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
