she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
