either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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