And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
"it" just moved
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
