why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
