I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
