What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
