Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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