I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
