garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
