im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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