Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
